Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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