some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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