the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
