if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
