is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
