I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
