Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
