woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
