The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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