Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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