my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
