he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
