I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
