i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
