Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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