I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
