hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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