I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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