Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
