Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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