I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
