You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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