im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
