I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize