I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
