'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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