i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
