Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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