Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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