Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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