found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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