she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
