woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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