remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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