So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Soap is not a condiment
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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