She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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