i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
