I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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