this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
