Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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