just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
