Non-Jews are for practice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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