Everything about him screamed your future.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
