So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
