The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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