How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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