the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
