I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
