Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
