fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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