I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
