I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though