with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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