My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.