i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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