i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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