i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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