You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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