Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ok first of all what the fuck
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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