and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
