I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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