I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
