My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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