i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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