Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize