Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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