How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
