My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
